Mother's Maple Nut Goodies

I was at CVS Pharmacy today and saw a bag Brach's Maple Nut Goodies hanging along a myriad of other candies. This particular one popped out to me because it was my Mother's favorite. I bought a bag and opened it in the car before driving away. I breathed in the distinctive aroma and thought of Mother, wishing I could share the candy with her the way I used to.

I don't understand it all, but those who do tell us smells can trigger memories. Chlorine reminds us of summertime at the pool, for example, and lilies remind us of church or a funeral. All I know for sure is that the smell of Maple Nut Goodies takes me back to a time when my mother was alive. We consumed many bags of the candies together, often just the two of us, not sharing with Dad or my sisters. I think Mother may have felt a little guilty doing it for various reasons, but not guilty enough to forego the pleasure of eating her favorite candy.

Mother and I had a special bond. She taught me to enjoy novels and music, and to sing and go to church. I am thankful to her for that. But one day she let go of me, and became a different person. We suspect Alzheimer's but didn't really find out for sure.

In time, she got to the point where she didn't recognize me, but she remembered the candy and knew I was the one who brought the Maple Nut Goodies to her. By then, she had trouble chewing the "Peanuts in crunchy toffee with maple coating", so she sucked on it until it was soft enough to eat.

I miss her. What a terrible illness it is when the person you love lives for a long time and, still, you don't get to say goodbye.

Hearing From Readers Is Fun!

One of the fun things for a writer is to hear from readers. Here is an email received recently followed by my response.

From: Vivian

Sent: Friday, March 11, 2011 8:14 PM

To: sidfrost@suddenlink.net

Subject: Where Love Once Lived

Sid, I am glad that you left your card with me when you came to visit in January.  I asked at the library for your book and found that it was in circulation, so I put it on reserve.  I finally got a copy March 6 and enjoyed it very much.  It is an excellent novel, and I wonder if this is what earned you first place in the Southwest Writers conference? 

Your characters are well developed.  I suspect they are not all fictitious!  Your training as a Stephen Minister is especially apparent in the dialogues of Brian, Karen, Phil, and his Dad, and even the feisty Cathy and Liz.  They are affirming, supportive, and non-judgmental.

I hope to see more of our neighbor and promise to read whatever you write!  You might not appreciate my “editing,” but I need to know how Brian resumed ownership of his company in California.  Perhaps he delegated that responsibility to Ron while he went honeymooning in Germany!

Best regards, Vivian

Here is my response:

Thank you so much for writing and telling me about reading Where Love Once Lived. As you probably know writing is a lonely business and writers don’t hear as much from readers as they would like to. And when we do get comments, the readers don’t go into much detail. Of course I savor every “enjoyed it” and “great”, but I am especially pleased to get feedback such as yours.

I don’t know if you’ve check on my blog, The Christian Bookmobile, http://christianbookmobile.blogspot.com/, but this is where I talk more about the book. The blog is aimed toward Christian readers and writers. It also has a touch of Austin history in it.

Some of the characteristics of some of the characters in the book were taken from people I know or have known. The idea for writing the book came to me because a bookmobile librarian named Jean Siedo. Liz’s appearance and actions on the bookmobile were copied from the real person. However, Jean had a husband and two daughters. I made Liz’s husband an alcoholic because I was married to one, and placed Liz’s grandson in prison because my son was in prison for DUIs.

George McCullough, Phil’s dad, has the same memories as I do of the time he grew up in the Clarksville area. The only difference was that I grew up on the white side of the imaginary line.

In real life, my mother had Alzheimer’s and my father reacted the way Brian’s father did in the book.

I tried to close up all the loose ends in the book, but I guess I didn’t do a good job on the California company. While writing the sequel, however, I noticed it and had Brian ask his daughter to manage the company. She said no, since she wanted to finish her MBA in Austin. However, she suggested Darrell Johnston, the young man who organized the collection for Liz’s trip to England. I haven’t written that part yet, but I know Brian likes the idea and I think Darrell will accept the offer.

By the way, the honeymoon in Germany doesn’t go as smoothly as you might think. There needs to be a major conflict for the new book. But, this time the conflict is not between Brian and Karen.

Thanks, again for writing, and please recommend the book to your friends.

Sid

As I prepared this article, I noticed I hadn't responded to one of Vivian's questions. I sent her this:

I just noticed I forgot to respond to your question in the first paragraph re the Southwest Writers Conference. Yes, Where Love Once Lived won first place in the Inspirational or Spiritual Novel category in the 2007 contest. It also took first place for Romance in the Writers League of Texas contest in 2007. Thanks, again, for writing.

Sid

Learning About Alzheimer's -- Part 5 of 5

This is final part of Chapter Eight from Where Love Once Lived. Please let me know what you think of it.

Brian’s dad shrugged. “I’m glad you got to talk to her. But don’t get your hopes up because of it and think she’s getting well. She comes and goes. When she’s aware, and there are fewer times when that happens now, she’s usually sad. Probably because she understands what’s happening. At least she’s happy when she’s not aware of her condition. Sometimes she dances like this in the middle of the night. I never get enough sleep anymore.”

“I didn’t get a chance to talk to her much,” Brian said.

“Well, neither did I!” He said it with a loud voice, one he rarely used.

“I’m sorry,” Brian said. “I didn’t stop to think how painful this is for you.”

“It’s okay, Grandpa,” Amy said. “They say the caregivers are the ones who suffer the most.”

“That’s bull. She’s the one suffering. Not me. I complain, but I don’t mind taking care of her. Caring for someone at a time like this is part of loving them. She’d do the same for me. When I first learned she was sick, I prayed for God to let us trade places. She was a wonderful, loving woman who looked for ways to help others all her life.” His voice cracked, and he pushed away the start of a tear before it could fall from his eye. “Oh, God. Here I am talking about her as if she were...as if she’d passed.”

Brian put an arm around him and felt how small his father had become. The man who’d nurtured him now needed nurturing.

“We’ll get help for you, okay? Are you eating enough?”

His dad pulled away from him and looked at Brian's mother, who was still moving around the room, swaying to the song she sang.

“Don’t worry about me. Take care of yourself. Until she got sick, her daily prayer was for you to return to the church. You could do that for her, couldn’t you?”

Mother finished her dance and sat at the dining room table, folding pieces of newspaper until they wouldn’t fold again. He couldn’t stand to see her like this. He couldn’t stand his father’s accusatory voice. He hugged his mother’s unresponsive body, nodded to Amy, and patted his father on the back.

“I’m sorry. I have to leave.”

Amy intercepted him at the front door. “Are you okay?”

He hugged her. “I want to be alone for a while. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“I understand.” She kissed him, and he could see tears in her eyes and knew they were for him. She whispered into his ear, “Grandpa is in pain. Don’t let what he says hurt you.”

He’d started the day anticipating a pleasant visit with his parents. Now one of them didn’t know who he was and the other seemed to think he was to blame. On top of that, he was sad because he’d missed the opportunity to introduce Karen to his mother.

Please let me know what you think about this chapter. Have you had experience with Alzheimer's? If so, does this ring true?

Learning About Alzheimer's -- Part 4 of 5

This is a continuation of an excerpt from Where Love Once Lived.

She kissed him on the cheek. “I love you, Son. No matter what happens, I’ll always love you.” She shook her head slowly. “I love the Lord and trust Him fully, but it’s such a shame. We finally got to the point in our lives where we could enjoy ourselves, and now...I’m sorry for Bill. Help him, Son. It must be difficult for him.”

“I will, but what about you? Should we call the doctor?” Brian asked.

“There’s no time for me. Just know that I love you and God loves you.” She patted him on the hand. “And promise me you’ll go to church faithfully, the way you used to.”

“Yes. I promise. And I love you, too.”

“Don’t give up on finding the right woman. I know how hard it was for you to live with Judy, but now you deserve some happiness. You’ll find it, with God’s help.” She turned to Amy and patted her hand, too. “I’m sorry, dear, I know you love your mother, but she was never right for your father.”

Amy smiled. “I know. It’s okay, Grandma.”

Brian knelt in front of his mother. “I want to tell both of you why I moved back to Austin—”

“Look!” His mother stood and pointed to the window behind Brian.

“What?” he said as he quickly stood.

“There! All over the place. Can’t you see them?” Her eyes opened wide.

“Who?” Brian asked.

“Look. They shouldn’t be here. Tell Dad.”

Amy stood next to her grandmother and put an arm around her, gently maneuvering her to the sofa. “It’s okay, Grandma. No one’s there.” Amy sat next to her on the sofa.

Brian went to the window and looked out in both directions. “Are you sure, Amy?”

“I’m sure, Dad.”

His mother cowered and pulled away from Amy. “Right there in the Johnson’s yard. Look!”

Brian continued to search the area. “I can’t see anyone.”

Dad came into the room. “It’s okay, Martha.” He gave her a white handkerchief. She stared at it and then stuffed it in between the sofa cushions.

“What did she see?” Brian asked.

Dad shrugged. “She sees things. The best I can figure, she sees soldiers in the yards here and across the street. I don’t know.”

“Could it be angels?” Brian asked.

Amy shook her head. “She wouldn’t be frightened if it was.”

As if to end the conversation, Brian’s mother stood, smiled, and danced away from the sofa, singing a song Brian recognized from his childhood. She was down the hall in a matter of seconds, twirling on her feet along the way and with the posture of a professional dancer.

“She was okay while you were gone, Dad. She talked to us. Even called me by name, talked about Judy, and told me to go to church. She was her old self for a while.”

Learning About Alzheimer's -- Part 3 of 5

This is a continuation of an excerpt from Where Love Once Lived.

“Well,” he said, brushing his hair back with his hand, “come on in. It’s about time you learned the truth.” He moved out of the way to let them enter.

Brian saw her on the sofa and was shocked by what he saw. Her gray hair was flat, not styled in the usual way, and she sat slump-shouldered, when all her life she’d taken pride in her posture. He bent down to give her a kiss, but before he could, she moved her head away and looked at him in a way that told him she had no idea who he was. He saw her glasses on the floor and scooped them up and put them in her nonresponsive hand. She held the glasses up and examined them in the way a child is thrilled with a new toy.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Dad?”

His dad stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked on his feet. “I guess Amy told you before you came in. The doctor says she’s got that old timer’s disease.”

“Yeah, Alzheimer’s. Why didn’t you call me?”

“I didn’t want to worry you. What can you do? What can anybody do? Yeah, I should have called. I should’ve cleaned up around here, too. Do you think there’s time to do anything but care for her? I feed her and bathe her. I do it all. I can’t leave her alone long enough to talk on the phone.”

“I’ve called. You still didn’t tell me. You deliberately hid this from me.” Brian sat close to his mother and put his arm around her. “If I’d known, I could’ve helped.”

She cried softly.

Amy sat on the other said of his mother. “It’s okay, Grandma. Nothing is wrong. We’re just talking.”

“Now look what you’ve done,” Brian's dad said, scowling. “Get away from her if you’re going to make her cry like that.” He moved around to the back of the sofa and rubbed her back. “It’s okay, Martha. She can hear, you know,” he said to Brian. She seemed to relax as his dad massaged her back, but she still had tears in her eyes. “Talk to her nice, Son, while I go get her hankie.”

Brian sat next to her and put an arm around her, being as gentle as possible. She leaned into him until he could feel the heat from her body and the rise and fall of her breathing. With a jerk, she pulled away and looked at him as if noticing for the first time he was in the room.

“Brian, what a surprise. Amy? You’re here, too. Where’s Grandpa? Is he okay?”

“Yes, Grandma.” Amy said. “Grandpa went to the bedroom to get you a handkerchief.”

“Mother!” I was so worried about you.”

Learning About Alzheimer's -- Part 2 of 5

Today, we continue with an excerpt from Where Love Once Lived. This is the second part of Chapter Eight where Brian learns his mother has Alzheimer's.

Brian was suddenly aware of the rhythm of his heart. What he felt reminded him of a Hawaiian fire dance he’d once witnessed on a trip to Maui where the drummer gradually increased the tempo and intensity of the beat as the dancers twirled their fiery batons close to their bodies. He felt caught up in the whirlwind of the dance and was so off balance he looked around for a place to fall gracefully in hopes of not frightening his daughter. Instinctively, he gulped in air and quickly regained his equilibrium before Amy knew anything was wrong.

Alzheimer’s. He knew enough about it to know it wasn’t good. He was swamped with thoughts. Would she know him? Why hadn’t he visited her sooner? Had Dad deliberately kept her illness from him? Was Amy in on it?

“How long have you known about this?”

She was on the verge of tears, but maintained eye contact as she answered. “I wanted to tell you. Grandpa made me promise to wait until you came to town. He didn’t want you to learn about it by phone or anything other than face-to-face. I’d reached the point where I knew I had to tell you even if it meant breaking my word to him.”

Brian remembered the last few conversations with his daughter. “Is this why you’ve been begging me to visit every time we talk?” He’d been so busy trying to pursue Karen he didn’t realize his daughter needed him.

“Yes,” she said. “Of course, I want you to visit, too, but I wanted you to find out about Grandma without breaking my promise to Grandpa.”

“How long has she been sick?” Brian asked, holding Amy’s hand.

“It’s hard to say when it started, but we’ve been sure about it for a couple of months now. It may have started before you were here last. That was about six months ago, right?”

He thought about his last visit with his parents and couldn’t recall anything unusual except his mother’s insistence that he go to church. She’d talked to him about God many times before, but this time there was a sense of urgency in her voice he hadn’t heard before.

“Yes, that’s about right. She seemed okay then. Will she know me?”

She shook her head slowly. “Probably not. There are times when she is aware of the present, but most of her memories are of the time when she finished high school. Usually, she thinks Grandpa is her father and I’m a schoolmate. I’m sorry.”

The door opened and Brian’s dad stood in the opening, wearing jeans that hung loosely below his waist and a wrinkled, white T-shirt that looked as if it could use a washing. Thinning hair flew out in all directions, and gray stubble covered his chin.

Learning About Alzheimer's -- Part 1 of 5

In Chapter Eight of Where Love Once Lived, the male protagonist, Brian Donelson, learns that his mother has Alzheimer's. This week, I'm going to give you the entire chapter to read. I would love to hear what you think about it. I know that Alzheimer's patients react in different ways, but I'm basing this on my own experience with my mother.

Brian parked his rental car in front of his parents’ home in Redondo Beach, California, and glanced at his watch. Last week, at this time, he was parking the bookmobile at Karen’s school. An image of her walking across the parking lot was as clear to him as if he were there now. He wondered if she’d miss him when he didn’t show up today. He started to call her before he left, but he wasn’t ready to talk about why he’d shut down the bookmobile service. He owed her an explanation after barging into her life the way he did, but he wasn’t sure what he’d say. He still wanted her to love him the way she once did and the way he loved her still, but the bookmobile approach hadn’t worked. Perhaps this trip to see his parents and his daughter would give him time to decide what to do next. He stepped out of the vehicle and breathed in the smells of his youth. Even though his future was fuzzy, he felt a calmness he only found here in his old neighborhood with its palm trees, stucco homes, and the fresh smell of saltwater from the nearby Pacific Ocean. As he walked toward the house, he noticed Dad hadn’t kept the yard as neat as he usually did. Perhaps Brian could give him a hand with it while he was here. It’d be fun to trim the bushes, dig up the weeds in the flowerbeds, and mow the grass again.

The front door opened as he approached the house, and his daughter stepped out. She shut the door behind her and put her arms around him.

“Hi, Daddy.”

He’d planned to stay in his old room while at home, but when he called Amy to say he was coming, she’d insisted he stay at her place. She wanted to show him her new condo, she’d said, and it’d give them more time to visit. Even though he talked to her by phone and e-mail frequently, seeing her now reminded him why he’d stayed in a loveless marriage for so long.

“Hi, sweetie. What a nice surprise.” He backed away and looked into her eyes. “But what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

Her smile faded slowly and her eyes took on a seriousness he’d seen only once before, the time he told her he was getting a divorce.

“I need to talk to you before you go in.”

Something was seriously wrong.

“What’s happened? Is it Mom? Dad?”

Amy reached out and grasped his hands, her brown eyes focused on his eyes. “It’s Grandma.” She gently squeezed his hands. “Don’t be alarmed, Dad. She’s in no danger. It’s…it’s Alzheimer’s.”